i used to have an egg shaped heart.
when we are bent away from familiarity and find ourselves indulging in things like gaudy cocktail rings and red tea and we often discover how well we adapt to awkward silences around the table - how much I hate waiting for the bill to arrive, the way i often act too forward with strangers in the best possible way.
She often dreamt with a blueish green sheet over her lens. I've heard that often times when people dream they discover some kind of deeply hidden desire about themselves, your tossing & turning & screaming at the top of you lungs with no no sound coming out because you're in a dream- you idiot, and you're well aware but you still scream. the best part of her day was the part where it hadn't started yet. she looked prettier in the morning, without all the hairspray & eyeliner & bronze on her face, actually most women do look better without all that mess on their faces. life is about pleasing others no matter how much you scream. you are self absorbed and almost everything we do is for the service of others.
She often dreamt with a blueish green sheet over her lens. I've heard that often times when people dream they discover some kind of deeply hidden desire about themselves, your tossing & turning & screaming at the top of you lungs with no no sound coming out because you're in a dream- you idiot, and you're well aware but you still scream. the best part of her day was the part where it hadn't started yet. she looked prettier in the morning, without all the hairspray & eyeliner & bronze on her face, actually most women do look better without all that mess on their faces. life is about pleasing others no matter how much you scream. you are self absorbed and almost everything we do is for the service of others.
I'm meeting him now,
i have to make a good impression
i need to look handsome ,tonight.
Masks reveal more more of who she is than her plain face. she is uneven and scary. scary uneven girl. i love Halloween.
He was crazy. once when he was 3 months old he publicly declared himself crazy. There is no proof of this but we like to think its true sometimes at parties because it makes a good story to tell a crowd of strangers. "yeah one time I knew this dumb baby that claimed he was crazy"
the thing about dumb babies is they don't know how to speak. the thing about him is that he is 27 and keeps falling into the same routine. wake up write it down pray it still sounds good in the morning. should i get a tattoo today? should i not? should i crack the egg from the top bottom or the side?
eggs are eggs.
what i've learned from ink pens is writing your thoughts for others screams louder than over sharing with your mouth. my mother always used to say "people always wanna talk about themselves" and i always wanna talk about oceans. which is why my sign should have been water, but its fire instead. go figure. thanks god. thanks mom. thanks match box pleasure.
he hates astrology.
On tuesday there is half price acrylic paint and catfish on the same street- 4th street - and you have to get there before noon and leave early so you don't get caught in traffic and call ahead for reservations because its a really trendy restaurant and lets pray and hope and fast that they have valet. he lived alone. he moved to Chicago to escape the war between all 13 of his personalities & his main personality/persona, really brutal. only a few survivors.
the thing about living by yourself is you have to remind yourself to keep going.... the thing about sundays is you don't wanna get out of bed because your mother wont be in the kitchen making eggs even though you just dreamt it. the thing about dreaming is each morning you wake up hating yourself for being so vulnerable. because maybe he is a vegan but he still dreams about eggs. and his mother. and he's sorry he never appreciated them. the eggs with ketchup on the side.
oh,thanks mom.
what i've learned from ink pens is writing your thoughts for others screams louder than over sharing with your mouth. my mother always used to say "people always wanna talk about themselves" and i always wanna talk about oceans. which is why my sign should have been water, but its fire instead. go figure. thanks god. thanks mom. thanks match box pleasure.
he hates astrology.
On tuesday there is half price acrylic paint and catfish on the same street- 4th street - and you have to get there before noon and leave early so you don't get caught in traffic and call ahead for reservations because its a really trendy restaurant and lets pray and hope and fast that they have valet. he lived alone. he moved to Chicago to escape the war between all 13 of his personalities & his main personality/persona, really brutal. only a few survivors.
the thing about living by yourself is you have to remind yourself to keep going.... the thing about sundays is you don't wanna get out of bed because your mother wont be in the kitchen making eggs even though you just dreamt it. the thing about dreaming is each morning you wake up hating yourself for being so vulnerable. because maybe he is a vegan but he still dreams about eggs. and his mother. and he's sorry he never appreciated them. the eggs with ketchup on the side.
oh,thanks mom.
eggs are eggs
intimacy is boring. i have always felt this. not literally of course. but its like you are reaching this pinnacle then its like then what? being naked can only last so long then someone gets goosebumps and its awkward. holding hands is always about who is holding on tighter when which one of us is gonna let go first. i win. you loose. loneliness is what happens when we reject intimacy so its pretty much all my fault because he hates holding hands. I've once loved someone so much I wanted to jump inside of their soul and wrap my arms around his artiries and all his wonderful icky insides. i wanted to write a book just with all the new words that I had invented to describe to you the ways that my heart leaps when i just hear your footsteps. i kept telling myself: love is a disgusting word, and i am disgusting for feeling this way. its not true. i love everything about you.
on Thursday nights we would just get into her red rented saturn and say in three exclamation points " lets get McDonald's!!!" so we would get all excited and turn on top 40 radio station and drive to a dodgy part of town where none of our cool friends would recognize us. we'd pull in, roll down our window and wait for the womans voice to ask us " how may I take your order?" The thing about being in your 20s is you constantly think others actually care about what you do. therfore you always assume you are being judged. we are so aggorant. anyways, " how may i take your order?...hello? helllo please place your order" we would giggle & look down at our 14% body fat and drive away. he has issues. he hates being judged. but loves the attention. don't we all. not really.
the worst thing about everything is nothing
intimacy is boring. i have always felt this. not literally of course. but its like you are reaching this pinnacle then its like then what? being naked can only last so long then someone gets goosebumps and its awkward. holding hands is always about who is holding on tighter when which one of us is gonna let go first. i win. you loose. loneliness is what happens when we reject intimacy so its pretty much all my fault because he hates holding hands. I've once loved someone so much I wanted to jump inside of their soul and wrap my arms around his artiries and all his wonderful icky insides. i wanted to write a book just with all the new words that I had invented to describe to you the ways that my heart leaps when i just hear your footsteps. i kept telling myself: love is a disgusting word, and i am disgusting for feeling this way. its not true. i love everything about you.
on Thursday nights we would just get into her red rented saturn and say in three exclamation points " lets get McDonald's!!!" so we would get all excited and turn on top 40 radio station and drive to a dodgy part of town where none of our cool friends would recognize us. we'd pull in, roll down our window and wait for the womans voice to ask us " how may I take your order?" The thing about being in your 20s is you constantly think others actually care about what you do. therfore you always assume you are being judged. we are so aggorant. anyways, " how may i take your order?...hello? helllo please place your order" we would giggle & look down at our 14% body fat and drive away. he has issues. he hates being judged. but loves the attention. don't we all. not really.
the worst thing about everything is nothing
